Friday, October 30, 2009



When I discovered ShoeDazzle, I had to throughly check it out and to be completely honest, since I've come across it I can't but want to be a part of this premier Shoe Society. So I'm beginning my membership and I'll be sure to let you know how that goes for me.
The best part of this is that all the shoes are $39 a month. Which means, you're basically purchasing a pair of shoes for $39 dollars once a month. I don't think I'll ever need to go shoe shopping anymore now that I've established my membership. It's not a shoe rental either, so you get to keep these shoes. I can't even begin to explain my excitement about this.

But I do think that all shoe lovers should check this website out if not join. I mean, the way I see it, you can't go wrong.

Fabulous - Join the World's Premier Shoe Society

Link Here: ShoeDazzle!

Another Day Another Matter...

So I should be happy today because my mom just put some money in my account that was much needed. She's also sending out some things for me so I can finally get my paycheck from work. (I haven't gotten like two I assume cause I didn't have all my information together.)

So I should be rejoicing, right? Well I'm not.

I thought maybe I need a pick me upper, so I got dressed, threw on my favorite lipgloss on, the one I only wear when going go, threw on some leggings, which I don't wear often, a simple blue shirt, and earrings that I reserve for going out. Figured that would help lift my spirits, but it didn't. So I proceeded to stuffing my belly. (I mean, that usually works,) but it didn't.

To prove to you just how out of it I am, I washed my dishes, removed my trash from the room (didn't dispose of it outside though, but I will eventually.) made my bed, put away my clothes that I haven't put away in almost a week, and then plopped down on my bed and began to write this post. (Not that I only post new items to my blog when I'm depressed.)

Either way you choose to explain it, I'm just not feeling like myself. I don't know if it has to do with my dream or the way my boyfriend has been acting lately. I couldn't tell you which one it is, but whichever one it is, it has me all screwed up inside and listening to Beyonce's "Broken-hearted Girl" among some other title tracks about possible heartbreak.

Situation #1: The Boyfriend
Lately he hasn't been himself. He blames it on his home situation where him and his mom are at wits end with each other. He also blames it on the physical distance between us (him in ny, me in ct). He just wants me to be around him and with him and to never leave his side. I want to be with him too, but I don't know what I can possibly do to make him feel better. I feel like instead of moving forward, we're taking steps back to where we were at once upon a time. A time where I wasn't as sure of our relationship as I am now, but know my concerns are different. I feel like he's not telling me something, like he's leaving out some crucial detail that can help pull his story together and get me where I need to be to be able to help him through this.

Situation #2: The Dream
This is a strange one, so listen/read carefully so you don't get confused and I'll try not to confuse you as well. Basically, it's about the Facebook revolution that has caused everyone in my family to go out and reunite with each other over the internet. So, we're suppose to go out, my mom and me, but one of these long lost relatives who I don't know all that well (or at all for that matter) comes inside the house and asks me what is taking me so long to get ready. Apparently everyone is going out and I'm holding everyone up because I'm the only one in the house. I tell her that my mother has told me that I'm always hungry and I should grab something to eat to walk with. Magically out appears this woman's son, who is my cousin (don't ask how I made that connection) and who is also gay. But not gay as in he looks it. He is legit gay and he doesn't look remotely gay. Suddenly I'm in my dorm room and the room is changed around a bit, in regards to closets, shelves, and desks, but either way it looks kinda different, but I'm able to recognize it as my dorm. My boyfriend is there and I guess you could say we're all cuddly like normal, expect that my roommate isn't my roommate anymore, it's his ex. For some strange reason though, I don't feel uncomfortable about the situation,  her being there and seeing us like this. So, my boyfriend gets up from where he is on the bed with me and hands her this fish aquarium thing in a semi-bag and plastic bowl. She tosses it on her bed carelessly and he tells her it could break and that he plans on getting her something for some upcoming event of hers (a holiday, birthday, I honestly can't remember). She asks him what and he said that she can't expect him to tell her while his girlfriend (me) is in the room. At the sound of that, I excuse myself from the room, but keep close enough to the corner to try and hear what he tells her, but I don't because he's taking us to the movies, my cousin included. When we get the movie theater, which is the same one we went to in reality with the expect that we went another way to get there, we all get out the car to leave. I keep telling everyone my cousin is gay and now I'm not so sure if he is or if I just want him to be so my boyfriend's ex won't get any ideas. Anyway, so we sneak into the movie theater which apparently has a collection of glass doors that either lead you directly to the place where you have to pay or inside the theater itself. We decide not to pay (hence the sneaking) and go in through the side glass doors. This guy is banging on the door next to ours because apparently he was sitting in the balcony and he didn't have good seats. We figured this would be our excuse to if anyone asked what we are doing. We pass the concession stand and I ask for popcorn and my boyfriend buys some for me and we proceed to wandering around the theater, and then I wake up.

I know the dream is a bit confusing and I'm sorry. I just woke up from that feeling very uncertain about some things. Can you blame me? Or do you blame me for feeling some type of way and not knowing why? Either way, I'm not feeling like myself now and I'm worried and very concerned.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Making My Day a Better One...

I decided that I wasn't going to let all the rain, cold weather, and gloominess of the day deter me from having a good day.

Did I succeed??? Well that all depends how you measure success and what qualifies as having a good day.

For starters, I went to all of my classes, even though the urge to remain in bed and the gloomy weather tried to deter me from my academic goals. So I went to both classes and surprise surprise, my first class gets out early. The downside to this was that I had class right after it and naturally, I wasn't paying attention to time so I darted out of class like I always do to get to it since it's on the other side of campus. I had to wait a whole 20 minutes before anyone decided to show up. Not to mention the class seemed to drag on for hours and every question my professor asked required the pulling of teeth to get a response.
So where is the bright side to this? During my moments of waiting for class to begin I managed to stumble across this picture on my cell:

These are the flowers my boyfriend had bought me over the summer. Of course they aren't the traditional red roses, but that's why I loved them. They were unique and just brightened up the room. Looking at them during those moments waiting for class to begin as it rained outside, made me happy. Suddenly, my day was going great again and I was smiling.

After class I returned to my room and decided to do my nails. That made me feel pretty ok too. I was giving myself the pampering that I've neglected to do in the past month. I always manage to forget about pampering myself. So I commenced with doing my nails and decided, why not do acrylic. I mean, I know how to do it, I now possess the tools, why not try doing it on my own hand.
Buffing, sizing, and gluing the tips were no problem. Cutting them down and filing them, once again no problem. Reapplying glue where the tip and nail met and then buffing it smooth, no problem. Applying the acrylic and buffing it after it tried to smoothness, a big problem.
For starters, I didn't check my brush and it was stiff. Needless to say the acrylic was all messy and didn't do it's job. So I tried it again. I cleaned the brush and worked it in my fingers so it wouldn't be as stiff. Success. Reapplying the acrylic, no success. Let me just explain by saying, I'm not good at applying nail polish to my own nails. It get it all over my fingers and cuticles. Now imagine the acrylic. This hard drying substance all over my fingers and nails. A huge mess. I'm still removing acrylic and let me tell you acrylic isn't the easiest thing to remove. Also, I didn't coat my nails evenly with the acrylic so parts of it had a lot and some not so much (the agony of clear acrylic that you can't really see as you spread it). So after all those trials, I got tired and was getting sick from the smell so I decided to call it a day, buff it and apply clear nail polish.
Guess what happened as I buffed? The parts of my nail that didn't have enough acrylic on that buffed right off. I didn't own any clear nail polish so I had to borrow some of Reme's and that didn't go so well either. Although I won't complain, seeing as I borrowed it without asking, but it was sticking and not coating my nails well.

So what did I do?

I looked at the clock, realized that it was about 7:10 and panicked. I had to be at GSU for 7:30. So I decided to screw my nails, I'll finish them some other time and stuffed my heels into my bag, grabbed my keys and umbrella, threw my jacket on and rushed out the door.

So where is the brightness to this?


And my night just got even better at the realization that BEST FRIEND a.k.a Jon shouted me out on the radio as just that, BEST FRIEND!!!! And I ordered Chinese food and am now fully sastified.

But as we all know, when things go up they must go down and the same has occurred tonight. I spent $10 of the $15 I had, which means I only have $5 left for this weekend to spend on alcohol with Reme. But hopefully this downside will become a good side once the weekend officially begins. A few drinks always brings out the best comedies in us.

*note: I am not an alchy. lol.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


Oh have disrupted our life the way facebook had done a few years prior. You have become increasingly significant in filling us in on the gossip and letting us air our dirty laundry, allowing wondering minds to know everything about us. Oh wonderful you are.

While my sentiments might appear that I hate twitter, I have to admit I'm addicted to it. At first everyone thought that Myspace was this big corruption tool, allowing others to peer into our lives, see our photos, and now every detail about our every move. Then Facebook came along and it was increasingly detrimental because now we really knew who everyone was. There was no need for alias, Facebook prided itself on that, even though some of us can't let go of Myspace days and feel the need to throw in an alias as their middle name. No twitter has proven itself to be the most detrimental.
Twitter is like the best of both worlds, in a sense.
You can maintain your alias, but it doesn't take much to find out who the person actually is. We have a picture to identify the person with and when you look at their profile, in the top corner is there name. (People can go really Myspace and fabricate one, but most people don't). Twitter is even more amazing since celebrities all over are tweeting. So now the realms of what was once private and a guessing game for the mind no longer exists.
Celebrities post their every move and thought, regular people post their every move and thought, and now we have entered the world of no return. To make matters worst, you can even have your tweets tracked, so people can find out where they came from. How crazy is that in the post days of being told as a child not to give out any of your information to strangers?
Now, that's not the only crazy thing about the twitter, but I believe there is no age limit on who can join (as if that ever stopped those underage).*
Twitter, as I was saying before, is truly the best of both worlds. We can send each other private messages, known as direct messages, we can hold conversations with each other and leave public messages, called replies, we can encourage people to engage with each other on a topic, referred to as trending topics, we can post what someone else wrote, acknowledged as retweeting (RT) and soo much more.

Now, before I continue...I AM NOT BASHING TWITTER. As I think I stated before, I'm an avid user. I really enjoy the challenge of expressing myself in 140 characters or less. I enjoy reading about what other people are doing or thinking. And I enjoy being able to read convos and thoughts that were once upon a time off limits to me.
I'm just worried about the consequences of all of this.
If you think about it, nothing is private anymore. No thoughts, actions, or opinions. But at the same time, I guess it's a good thing. If it wasn't for trending topics, I'm pretty sure most of us who don't watch the news would be so active participants in discussing our opinions on it, even if some of those opinions are those of complete ignorance.

So, I guess my point is...what will we come up with next?

*note: I can't remember if Twitter has an age requirement for users, so don't take my word on that part, but I think my point is clear.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Self-Esteem Not Self-Discovery

I feel like the minute people enter college they go running off trying to reinvent themselves, discover who they are, rather than enhancing the person they already are.

I really can't say much about that group of people because a mere few months ago I was member of that group. I was trying to find myself, reinvent myself, when in reality no reinventing needed to be done. I just needed to be myself and the only way I could do that was to build up my self-esteem.
For a while, I thought my alter ego was the person I wanted to be, but I honestly don't. I figured if I made a name for myself among my peers, I'd be something, but I was wrong. My peers are going to name me what they want regardless of whether or not I want them to. I just need to build up my self-esteem and exude confidence to be who I am and not who I think I should be.

That's all I have to say on the topic really for the moment. Maybe there will be later posts on this, but right now. This is it.

Fashion Try Outs

So yesterday, I tried out for my campus's Fashion Show. It's one of the biggest events hosted on campus and is also hosted by BSU (Brothers and Sisters United a.k.a The Black Club). If that doesn't make me proud, I don't know what will. Anyway, I've been dying since last year to hop on board with the whole Fashion Show thing, but I have natural inclination to want to do big things, but back out cause I don't have the self-esteem. (I think I've found my motif for the year)

So last night I tried out. I put on my Guess Suede ankle boots and strutted my stuff in the student union to this year's Fashion Show coordinators. Naturally, I messed up my spins, which they taught us to do, but overall I think I had the confidence to pull it off and to prove them that they wanted me to do their set. Either way, I was feeling pretty good until the actual audition came. I think my walk got weak and I stumbled a bit more on the spins that I had perfected minutes ago when they had me teach some other girl them.

But, I decided to leave last night with my head high and to not think about any negatives.  Hopefully I'll get picked and if I don't, there is always next year, although not getting picked might be reason for me to not try out next year, but whatever.

I think I did well and that's all that counts.

Something that made my day...

Now, I found this article a few days ago and I was meaning to put it up since Saturday, but as always, time slipped away from me, so I'll post it now.

women evolving, future

Link Here: Women Of the Future Shorter and Fatter

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Some of the Craziest Dreams

For as long as I can remember, my friend and I always talked about how psychic my dreams are. This does not mean that all my dreams come true, because I do have some pretty out there dreams that I know for a fact will probably never come true, but for the longest I've been trying to decipher my dreams.

As I was taking a nap today, I had quite the dream, that got me thinking. I mean, I love my boyfriend, but there is still that question in my mind about whether or not if a certain person stepped up to the plate if I would even be dating my boyfriend right now. But, now to the dream:

I'm pretty much on campus and I'm walking around and out of nowhere Don* comes up to me and starts taking me somewhere. I'm not worried, because I pretty much know where he'd be taking me, but I'm a little surprised.
From what I recall (that is not from dreamer's road) is that he has a girlfriend on campus and there's another girl he has more interest in than me. I was merely one of the first girls he meet on campus.
We're just walking around the campus together as people we know and some that I don't know, who he apparently does, shout out to him and talk to him. I'm being pretty quiet because I'm trying to figure out what brought this on. Never in a million years would I have imagined him doing something like that.
Before long, we're laying on the cement. Don't ask me how we got there, but either way, we're both laying down on it and he's kissing my neck and squeezing my leg, and needless to say I'm getting very hot. But I guess you can say reality strikes in the dream and I start thinking about his girlfriend and that girl he supposedly really likes that I'm friends with. You would think I'd think about my relationship, but I don't. Basically, I push him off of me (which was really hard to do both physically, mentally, and emotionally) and ask him why he's doing this. I question his faithfulness to his girlfriend, ask about my friend, and then try to figure out why all this attention for me? I mean, just last semester he wasn't really talking to me. Either way, he doesn't have an answer and I'm kinda upset infuriated. I want him to say that this all a joke, that he really wanted me, but he doesn't. So now I'm sitting on the ground looking at him, trying to figure out why I'm his last resort choice, the girl he goes to when he can't go to anyone else, and feel used and abused.

Then I woke up.

Just thinking about the dream has me feeling some type of way about a person I shouldn't be feeling any type of way over. I thought I was over that, but apparently I'm not. Maybe it's because he's a Pisces and I have terrible luck when it comes to Pisces. I mean, I'm always falling for them, but they always have interests elsewhere.

(*=not actual name)

Meet the Alter Ego...

I honestly think that if I was to construct my alter ego, giver her a name, create for her an identity, that she would heave the name of Nicki Daniels, seeing as my actual name is something else.

Of course Nicki Daniels sounds quite normal, but I always imagined her being a bit hardcore with a name designed to fool the best of us. I imagine her having a very seductive personality, not afraid to show off who she is, but somehow being classy about it and she's also a downright bitch. She's into the eccentrics and drawn to things that the average person would be skeptical about being drawn to until it becomes a pop cult item.
Of course she wouldn't be dressed in spandex and leather or where atrocious wigs of varying styles and colors. Nothing about her would even scream hoodrat. There would an allure about her that is difficult to escape from and in a way, she's a bit mysterious. She's also very daring.

To be completely honest, maybe that's who I should be be for Halloween, my alter ego.

And I just liked this picture of Monica and her son and all these different types of personalities/egos represented.

A New Day and A Returning Frustration...

So I get off venting on one topic and have to start venting on another. THE DAMN BOYS LIVING DOWNSTAIRS!!!!

They stay banging on their ceiling telling us to be quiet, yet we barely make any noise and they do it at the most obscene times, like when we're not doing anything that is making us walk across the floor or just playing our music. I'm just bout ready to go down there and let loose.

My emotions are all over the place today and right now, I don't need any sort of frustrations like the one they are about to give me.

Roommate Dilemma?

I'm not one to bash my roommates, pick fights with them, or particularly start drama for the heck of it (I like to believe I'm too grown for that as should others), but every once in a while I find myself biting my tongue extra hard to keep from lashing out at probably the most inappropriate times to put someone in there in place (not that I'm about to be putting anyone in there place), but you get my point.

Most roommate dilemmas occur from lack of communication and as a Communication major, I like to think that I know what I'm doing when it comes to communication, but apparently I'm not, or maybe I'm just an easy target. My roommate, in particular, is one of those girls who asks you for something and because you say yes, they naturally assume you mean whenever you want, don't bother asking, take it, don't be modest in how much you take, just do it. In no such way do I ever mean that. If it's something that I figure I have quite a quantity of and if I instruct you/tell you to have it without necessarily asking, then by all means, do so. If I haven't done so, keep your damn hands off my stuff and leave them alone in peace.
Now, this upset is over food, because I love food and I love to eat. But what if we wore the same size clothes and shoes? Would she just dress herself in my things and keep it moving like it was ok?
There are lines that are simply meant to not get crossed and as much as I try to tell myself maybe it's a cultural difference, I keep seeing a smaller and smaller cultural line. I mean, we're both from NY, she grew up in Brooklyn and I grew up in Queens. Our differences, she's Jewish, I'm not. She's white, and I'm not. But for some strange reason, I don't feel like that is enough of a reason for there to be drastic differences. Do you get what I'm saying here?

It's not only the food thing. It's the courtesy factor. She expects all the courtesy yet never bothers to give you any.

If she walks into the room and your playing music, she wants you to turn it off, but if you're trying to fall asleep or doing homework, she stays on her laptop video chatting and yapping away at the top of her lungs. She always wants to use your stuff, but never offers her stuff to be used.

I mean, I understand she's living with 3 other black girls (including myself) but that doesn't mean she has to act that way. We respect her things and her space and time, the least she could do is respect ours.

Needless to say, I'm back on campus and not a particularly happy camper at the moment. Here's hoping that things will get better over the course of the week.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Home For The Weekend

So I'm home for the weekend and I can already tell I'm not going to have time to relax.

For starters, I brought home a big bag of laundry that I know I'm going to have to do myself, I have to help clean this house, have to get my hair done, write a speech, and some other academic stuff, because unfortunately life doesn't end when I go home for the weekend, I still I have a list of things to do. I feel a headache coming on.

So for the first time in a really long time, I was given the opportunity to watch the Disney channel and just let me tell you, I was watching one of their new movies and I just have to say, Disney has really gone down in quality. The movie looked cheap and the actors were pathetic. It looked more like an indie film and even those are better qualities with better actors. I just don't know what to say anymore.

I also just found out that my boyfriend got two new tattoos today. I'm too sure how I feel about that considering I have yet to see them in person, but I guess I can show it to you and you can let me know what you think.

Just thinking about him having it makes me want to see him even more than I already do right now. But, I'm just hoping that things will turn around this weekend and I'll feel more relaxed.

"The Longest Walk"

I don't know about you, but I had to post this video. Hopefully this bring some understanding to the table...

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

A Coat for the Winter

I've always said that I like things that are out of the ordinary, hence the reason I own a pink leather jacket instead of a black one and the reason I'm vying for yellow pea-coat, cause I simply can't do with the black, plaid, or red ones everyone seems to be clambering to. So guess what I discovered today:
Rampage Coat, Belted Wool Motorcycle $89.00 at Macy's

So you know I just have to go and get it, right? Finally something worth investing that I actually won't mind wearing all winter long.

Gonna have to see how I'm going to get my mom to buy this one for me.

Melanie Fiona!!!!

I don't know what other way to say this, but get the MELANIE FIONA ALBUM!!!!

Her album is simply amazing. A breath of fresh air in an industry where I'm so used to the same melody for each love song and I can't even begin to go into depth about my favorite songs on the album. I think I'm in love with them all.

Her songs are original. The music is original. Nothing about her artificially sweetened. Her album is just that good (at least in my opinion.)

I should have talked about this yesterday, but I was too clouded with my dislike for Rihanna's single that it surpassed the gem of an album that Melanie Fiona released.

But I honestly believe this is a must have. I mean look at this girl...


She's talent at its finest.


As I look at all the female rappers that I've known of and heard of since the day I was born, the one that stuck out the most to be was Eve, maybe because she's my favorite female rapper.
I feel like she's the real thing, not just another female who realized she could rap and also noticed that she had a body that every boy wants to climb on, so uses her sex appeal to sell albums about how crazy her sex is and why she's one of kind.
Eve kept it simple and straight to the point. She was a ride or die chick, it didn't matter where she went she was going to make a name for herself, and she knew how to have fun. Honestly, I don't think many female rappers compare to Eve, she's covered every topic the way a singer would with her bars.

All I'm saying is, if I was to ever become a rapper, I would want to be compared to Eve rather than all those Barbie Nicki Minaj clones out there and sex-wielding Lil' Kims.

Point blank.

If you didn't know before, now you know...

So last night I couldn't be happier to know that my girls from high school still have my back and a shoulder for me to lean on.

I have to give the most SHOUT OUTS to CARLENE for being there for me, even though I was trying to be there for her. Trust me, she knows how to flip the script and get you talking about what's wrong with you when you're trying to figure out if everything is ok with her. But I have to love her.

I can't exactly explain why, but lately I've been depressed. Maybe it's because life is moving fast and the reality that sooner than I can realize I'll be on my own in a world in search of a career has me scared. I couldn't really tell. Maybe it's the fact that I feel like my relationship with my boyfriend is the actual thing and the constant distance between us when he leaves is killing me slowly inside because I realize I can't live without him. Or perhaps its the sudden realization that life is just too much to handle. Too many responsibilities and decisions to make and no one telling me which one is the best one, because I need to learn from my mistakes. Either way, I've been feeling depressed.

Last night/early this morning we had quite the talk. I'm not sure if I put everything down on the table to look at, but when your heart feels heavy, you feel this emptiness, and tears on the verge of falling from your face, you put the first things that pop into your mind on the table, hoping they don't reveal too much and hoping that these are factors.
We tried to talk about it all or at least talked about it to the point, I now had questions to think about to myself as I went to sleep. I also had to turn it back on her and see what was wrong, and I guess you could say it was the same thing minus the relationship aspect. Life.
Growing up in a home where your mother made your most important decisions and fought with you over the little ones, so that when you got them you thought you were really making an impact, is difficult. You get to the real world and you don't know what to do or say. You get caught up. And quite frankly, life is scary.

I'm not sure if I'm ready for all this growing up, but if you see me depressed that's probably why. If you didn't know I was depressed, now you know and now you know why.

The Men You Encounter...

If it's one thing I can tell you, it's that I've met guys in college that I would probably never meet anywhere else. Their personalities, may seem to fit some other males you may or may not know or know of, but to me, the actuality of finding such a breed of men here, on my campus, was absolutely astonishing.

I'm not about to get into my adventures with these guys, but I do think they are all noteworthy in some way. (Maybe, I'll do another post and dedicate it that.)

For starters, let's just saw I've probably met all the men of the world. I've met the:

Sweetheart: He's comes off like Prince Charming, manners abounding. He takes how you feel into consideration and is the politest male you've ever met. He makes it known that he takes pride in himself and what he does. He tells you he's different from all the other guys and his excuses sound legit enough. He can't stop by right now cause he just got out the gym and he doesn't want you to see him at his worse, so as soon as he cleans up he'll come by, but little do you know he's playing the field and using his irresistible, 'I don't do stuff like that' line to get where he needs to be with the ladies.

The Talker: He likes to talk big and care less about what you have to say to him. He's apparently a good thing and you should feel honored that he's even looking your way. He gets whatever he wants and you should be willing to provide him whatever he wants, when he wants it. He doesn't take no for an answer and rejection is taboo. He's got an ego big enough for the both of you and as much as he says that he's a good thing and he can get anyone he wants, he still calls you at all hours of the night trying to see 'what's good with you'.

The Professional: He's professional with it. He's a smooth talker and he has experience dealing with girls of a wide variety. He knows how to make you feel like you're the only person that matters and is a convincing actor in proving just how much he claims to like you. He pretends to show interest in what you have to say and is willing to show you off at the first chance he's got, regardless of whether or not there is another female. He's always dodging someone that may or may not know him. He uses the fact that he's got a job to make it seem like he's really busy, doing important stuff, when he's actually talking to other girls. He wants you to keep your relationship on a professional level. No unnecessary talking unless needed.

His Wingman: He's suppose be the distraction for your girls, so you and his best friend can get to talking and possibly mingling, but he has eyes on you instead. He's willing to go betray his friendship just to talk to you, if not just to smash, and he sees nothing wrong with keeping it a secret. He'll even pretend that nothing happened when he's around his best friend and your there to, but he'll try everything to get you to spend the night with him. He's naturally a charmer, but his comments must be watched, cause while you think he's just cracking jokes, he's trying to talk to you in code.

The Partier: He only acknowledges you as that girl at that party he went to that he had a great time at. He only calls you to see if you're going to another party. He only calls you after the party is over. Your suppose to be his party one night stand, that's ongoing for those nights that there are parties. He's attractive, but he's shallow and his interest don't go far besides saying he has someone to go home with or even chill with after the party is over.

So far, those are the only types I've met. Maybe there are more and I'm just forgetting and some of them that I know are combos of the above.

I guess I'll have to come back next time and make a part two to this if I remember any more.

Hawaii in the next 10 years

I don't know when or exactly why, but somewhere between the time I was born until now, I decided that I was going to move to Hawaii and live out there for 5 years and then move back to New York before settling in perhaps another state that I found more suitable to my taste.

Don't get me wrong, I love New York, it's the state I was born and raised in and I can't live without the city life, I'm so use to it that it'd be impossible to move some place where everything closes at 6pm and there's no lights at night. I don't know why, but I figure that Hawaii would have some sort of night life, hopefully.

Well, I talked this over with my boyfriend, and to put it quite frankly, he liked the idea but didn't think it was practical. He wants to open up a car shop and work there as a mechanic and just picking up and leaving and moving out of state and kinda out of the country wouldn't work for his career choice. I understand that completely, but I hate being tied down to one place for too long with no real purpose or destination, such as New York, hence my transition to a college in Connecticut.
So, I made an agreement with him that we'd only live out there for 2 and a half years instead of the 5 I originally wanted to be out there for. (We naturally assume we'll be married by the time we make the transition.)

I guess in short, I'm coming to realize that I like to move around. I like switching it up, making a name for myself and then going somewhere and starting from scratch all over again. Prior to college I would have never said that. I thought I hated meeting people and getting acquainted with different groups, but I realized that when it comes to adjusting, I force myself to make friends with at least one person who I can share my thoughts with. I'm pretty good at just blabbing to people I don't really know to establish a connection and becoming friends with them afterwards. I just have to work on maintaining friendships. I'm not too good at that.

But I just figured that was something worth sharing or at least discovery about myself.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Rihanna's New Single...

I feel like her new single is all the talk for the day. Every gossip and entertainment enthusiast is talking about the release of this single. I heard it and honestly, I don't think it's single worthy if that makes sense. It doesn't even really sound like her, but whatever. I guess I was just hoping that she would pop back up on the scene with a club banger that would have everyone singing at the top of their lungs. (Btw the song is called Russian Roulette) Honestly, it's a bit of a disappointment. I figured I'd let you see one my favorite Youtube music review critics explain his take on the song and give you the link to hear the song as well.

I honestly didn't expect this to be her single. It sounds like one of those songs that you put on your album never release as a single simply because nobody wants to be feeling intense feelings of heartaches and if they do would rather feel like alone, in a room, by their self, not in their car, or job, on the radio, with a bunch of people they prefer not to sure that part of their life with.

I guess the song just has to grow on me. Here's hoping that by the fifth time I'll come to like it. (Hopefully...) ---> to hear the song>alonzo lerone, my fave music critic

A New Outfit for Consideration...

Once again I was scouring the internet, this time with the intent of putting together an outfit I would wear from a variety of websites and I did it, kinda sorta. This is kinda like something I have already, perhaps more enhanced (?) either way, here it is:

Forever 21- Pintucked Waffle Tunic $15.80 Campbell US $164.95

Figured I'd pair this off with a pair of black leggings I own, spice up my hair and I'd be ready to go. I'd probably have to request the shoes as Christmas gift or wait for them to go on clearance before I get them though.

I just want a wig...

I don't know and I don't have an explanation, but I want a wig. Nothing crazy, just something simple. The way I look at it is that everyone knows I have a full head of hair, so why not invest in a wig, prevent my hair from getting further damaged from heating and styling products and where the wig when my hair is undergoing the most damage. I won't need to sit for hours getting my hair braided or putting in a weave because all I have to do is slip it on. I think it's a good investment.

The wig in particular that I'm looking at is this:
Biju by Bobbi Boss wigs Biju by Bobbi Boss $33.95 (synthetic hair)

It's practical, simple, not complicated, and it's a style that I wouldn't mind wearing naturally or synthetically. I would never get a long hair wig simply because that's a lot of hair to be combing and keeping neat, I might as well just do without the wig and do my own hair. I don't want anything curly because that's what everyone gets, the wet and curly and I can do without being a clone to the pack.

This is all I want. Maybe I'll spend my first paycheck on this instead...oh, the choices I have to make.

Cuffing Season...

So, as I was sitting here, ready to give blogger a rest for the day and take up to tweeting the night away I remembered a note I posted on Facebook last year about cuffing season. I had entitled the note seasons of love and seeing as we're having an early winter and I have a brand new audience, I thought I'd propose the same questions I raised in that piece to you as well. So without further ado...the note I had written entitled "Seasons of Love":

So as I was sitting in my room talking on the phone with (name shall not be revealed), I began to think about the note that Gabby had posted not too long ago in response to another note regarding the topic of love. I also began to think about another note that was also posted a few weeks ago in regards to the beginning of "Cuffing Season". I'm not exactly the most knowledgeable person when it comes to love, seeing as I've never been in love and I regard the feelings within the relationships that I've had and have as being an extreme like. But anyway, as I was talking to (name shall not be revealed), we both came to the realization that love or rather relationships seem to revolve around the seasons of the year, quite heavily.
Everyone knows that winter is the official "Cuffing Season". Everyone is hooking up with a so called special someone to keep them warm during the winter months and mistakenly calling their relationship love when it's merely a need to just have someone to keep them warm during the winter months. That and a lack of winter activities that allows them to go out and mingle with the opposite sex the way they'd like to. Besides, winter is filled with the most holidays and nobody wants to be lonely during the holidays.
"Cuffing Season" comes to a close as spring begins and with the beginning of spring is the end of these notorious types of relationships which were based on the mere need to have a cuddle buddy rather then a meaningful relationship based on love. Spring brings forth an opportunity for people to go out and party, show some skin, and mingle with the opposite sex. Random hookups are once again a must because suddenly nobody knows what they want in relationship or in the opposite sex anymore. It's all about experiencing new things and people. All about making yourself available for that guy or girl that you noticed during "Cuffing Season" when you were taken who piqued your interest and you want to have an opportunity with.
"Summer Love" is when once again everyone hooks up, solely on the basis of how good they look together, the "hotness" of the other person and once again wrongly diagnose it as love when it's more like lust. You can blame it on the fact that the summer heat has forced everyone to get into shape and has made it acceptable to walk around half naked, thus creating the need for everyone to have the best looking guy or girl on their arms.
Then fall rolls around and the "Thanksgiving Day Breakup" seems inevitable, with everyone back at school and not wanting to be tied down because their at school, filled with more then enough eye candy to make them question if they really want to be in the relationship they are in or try someone else out.
And naturally the cycle continues throughout the seasons, diagnosing the seasons of spring and fall to be filled with the most breakups and random hookups, while winter and summer seem to be the seasons where everyone is falling in love and suddenly wants to settle down.
I'm not trying to downplay anyone's relationships that just so happen to have fallen into "Cuffing Season", Lord knows that I'm not, I just don't want everyone to jump on the "Cuffing Season" bandwagon and get into relationships for all the wrong reasons, only to break up in the spring and wonder what went wrong. I just think that as we all enter this season, we seriously take the time to evaluate the relationships we are about to form and the people we are about to form them with.
There's no reason to ruin a friendship because you want to have a cuddle buddy, someone to keep you warm during those cold months or to break a heart because of your own selfish/ personal needs. But I'm done with my little philosophy about the "seasons of love" which I'm pretty sure someone is going to argue valid points as to why everything I wrote is nothing more nonsensical writing.
So now I wait for the valid argument telling me that I'm wrong about these so called "Seasons of love"...

Reward for a Job Well Done...

I can't wait for my first paycheck. I already have plans on how I'm going to spend it and the first place the money will get spent is in Charlotte Russe, the store I have come to love for the simplicity of finding things I like and because I can find complete outfits from coats and underwear to shoes and accessories, it's like a one stop shop. Either way, I love it.

Below is an outfit, I can't help but want to pair together for the sake of having bought something with my first paycheck and to celebrate myself and feel kinda sexy cool.

Charlotte Russe- Open Knit Cardigan $21.99
Charlotte Russe- Belted Tweed Dress $26.99
 Charlotte Russe- Patent Peep Toe Maryjanes $24.99

Normally, about $60 for an entire outfit is too much for me to spend, but it's my first paycheck, so why shouldn't I splurge??

I can't even begin to explain my love for Barbie dolls. There was just something majestic and beautiful about them. I never once thought they were intended to be role models for young girls growing up, because I felt they had a story way too advance for a little girl to understand. They had complex lives. They had aspirations, worries, romance, careers, friends, and family to juggle alongside the best of the women in the world.

When I came across I fell right back in love with the Barbie doll.

The creator of the website is Erica Lynn, who just so happens to dedicate the website to the dolls she repaints, collects, styles, and photographs. If you were one of those people that thought Barbie dolls had no personality, no story, no charisma, no nothing, this site will make you rethink those opinions.

If you look through some of the pictures you'll realize that's where I got my banner for this page from. I took a sampling of her pictures and blended them (well not really) together to great the banner. Now I wished my blog was entitled "Just Another Black Barbie Doll" instead of "...that girl, Nicki Daniels." But whatever, this blog title will have to do. I credit her for the banner.

All I have to say is, her website is worth checking out. While most of it is just pictures of dolls and no true story line, I have to remind you that a picture is worth a thousand words, and trust me, when you see those pictures you'll understand why.

Natural Beauty by cutieerica. I discovered a million dollars today

Before I say anything, let me begin by saying, it is not impossible to make a million dollars. It only seems so.

How do I know this?

As a shopaholic, who loves retail therapy, I have discovered that if I had save every cent I had ever earned instead of spending it on must haves that I didn't really need to have, I would have quite a hefty amount in the bank. I also realized that, that if I had that hefty amount in the bank and began a full-time job, seriously (not no summer or holiday occupations), I would have increased my chances of making a million dollars by the time I'm in my mid-thirties, if not earlier.

Everyone has made at least a million dollars in their lifetime. They just never realized it because all their money went into paying bills, paying taxes, and buying items for the luxury of them rather than the necessity of them. Oh, and to purchase those necessary items as well. If a person didn't have to do that, we'd be living in an America where millionaires where making there careers in every home possible.

If I wasn't determined to become a millionaire before, I am now.

To be completely honest, how amazing would it be to be a millionaire and know you didn't do anything different than the person next to you with the exception of cutting down on your spending?

I just thought I'd drop that little thought of mines on you.

Monday, October 19, 2009

9 Months and Going Strong...

I love my boyfriend.

To be completely honest, a short few months ago I was saying that and not meaning it. I believed that if I said it enough, I'd mean, and that by stating it, I made it a fact, therefore it would have no choice but to become true.
It has only been recently that I've realized just how much I do love him and how much I was just going through the motions before that I was told I should go through, motions I wasn't even feeling. All I can say is, when it's right, you know it's right. There's no explaining it, there's no discussing it, it just is.

We don't have this great love story, for starters. We actually met online, via Facebook. We didn't have mutual friends, or at least none that we knew of. To be completely honest, our friends were mutual friends with each other, not with us. Isn't that funny.
Anyway, we met via Facebook. I was coming to the end of one relationship and my senior year of high school, college was around the corner, and I didn't want to be tied down to anyone. I figured, at the most, this would be a summer fling. It'd be short lived. To my surprise, it followed me to college.
I didn't want a relationship and as much as he asked, I always turned him down or persuaded him into not asking or giving me time, because I needed it. I needed to 'think' which really wasn't thinking, but more trying to figure out how I could squeeze potential boyfriends into my life and figuring out if they'd be good or not for me.
It didn't quite work, because before I could finish saying 'let's take a break,' we were talking again. Soon, he was visiting and you can't simply call a guy who comes all the way out to your college, spends the night in your bed, just a friend. I mean, even my best friends from back home didn't come to visit me as often as he did.
Pretty soon, it just felt like the thing to do. Maybe it was cuffing season getting the best of me, or perhaps the fact that I had exhausted every outlet I imagined to search for a potential boyfriend in and no one seemed to fit, or if they did, they weren't an option. So, I started dating him.
I can't even begin to tell you how much I questioned our relationship. I think I picked fights with him, got mad intentionally with no reason to get mad, just so I could have that space and perhaps still keep my eye out. I guess, soon enough the fighting turned into real fighting and the question of whether or not it was worth holding onto, became a serious matter.
Shortly afterwards, we spent a night together and that was it for me. I realized that I was in love, or I fell in love. Either way, I was in it and didn't want to leave it. So, I guess you can say, all the time we spend together now, just isn't enough for me. Maybe it's because I didn't really care about it before the way I do now.
But to sum it up, I'm in love and I'm happy. My worst fear is him leaving me, not just leaving me but breaking my heart. That's all I really have to say about it.

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall...tell me who I am've heard it before. She wants to reinvent herself, discover herself, figure out who she is and who she's not. She spends money on a new wardrobe, that she doesn't even really wear, on shoes, she doesn't even like, trying to create this persona that is supposed to convey the 'real' her. Yet, somehow she always falls flat. It doesn't work. She's too stuck in her routine. Stuck in the place she was prior to her unneeded shopping spree and attempt at self-discovery.

I use to be that girl. I won't lie to you. I've probably spent all of high school and last summer trying to figure out who I am. I always imagine this perfect persona, the one where I dress differently, style my hair differently, talk differently, and just have a brand-new personality.
It never works though. It just doesn't. Maybe it's because, I'm simply not capable of such a drastic thing and need to ease myself into, but I've come to learn that I no matter how much I keep trying to find myself, I keep falling flat. I just remain here, unchanged, feeling no differently than I had felt before. It's almost as if instead of being 'real' I became 'fake.'

So, I decided to give up on this whole discovery thing. This reinventing myself. I'm just going to remain myself. I'm going to embrace who I am and own up to my personality. I've come to realize that I can't be anything but myself, the person I was when I first started this self-discovery/reinvent myself campaign. If anything, I'm just gonna try to be the best me that I can be. That's final.

As to who I am...I'm Nicki Daniels. A 19 year old, young woman who believes in lust at first sight, has a boyfriend of 9 months, feels overwhelmed quite frequently since the start of my sophomore year of college, but will never admit it, and who feels like things have changed and can't tell if it's for the best or not.

This true purpose. I'll probably mostly ramble on and on about nothing in particular in this. Maybe not. Who knows where my mind will wonder and what I will feel compelled to right about. All I know is, starting out with a definite plan makes you sell yourself short. Your individuality comes from your spontaneity. Here's hoping I'm spontaneous enough.