So It's Been A While...

I apologize for my lack of blogging. It has most definitely been a while and once again, I have to apologize for that.

I figured I should bring everyone up-to-date with the happenings of my life and quite frankly, I didn't do shit for Halloween, I didn't want to deal with all the drunk people on campus causing a scene. My boyfriend spent the weekend with me and he left today to return to NY. (I'm wearing a sad face in case you couldn't hear my disappointed). I have come to the conclusion that my roommate is just plain shady.

Now before you start hitting me with the, she's white, give her a break, it's not easy to be living with a bunch of black girls, I have to say RACE DOESN'T HAVE SHIT TO DO WITH IT. Honestly, I know shady and she's been acting very shady and she's starting to push buttons that no one should be pushing.
Can someone please explain to me her constant need to lie? Yesterday, I had to leave our room cause she needed complete silence as she had a phone interview, which sounded a hell a lot like yelling at her mother from where I was sitting at in the living room. Next, I was playing music today and she asked me if I could turn it off cause she had to make a phone call. I said sure and stepped out the room momentarily. No phone call was ever made.
I seriously can't live with someone who won't allow me to play my music. That's just ridiculous. But it's also besides the point. My other reasons for believing this girl is just downright shady for no apparent reason.
She never pulls her weight around her, unless it's removing the things we have carefully placed in the apartment for our comfort (i.e. the curtains, the seat covers). If she didn't like them, that's all she had to say. She waits until no one is around before she removes all of them. Secondly, her behavior last night was completely uncalled for. Chick did not need to be slamming things around and stomping while people are trying to be sleeping. My boyfriend said it was because she thought he would have left already rather than spend another night. Honestly, her behavior was uncalled for. But, I guess I should have picked up the fact that she was tired of him being here considering how she kept asking if he left when he was just in another room.
Can someone say childish?

But, I'm I have other issues as well, such as the jackass that is my boss.
I just have one question for you, does it make sense to work a 10am shift if no one gets there to open up until 11:30am? I don't think it is, but apparently my boss does and has me working this shift. So I'm stuck dragging my ass over there at 10 in the morning to walk back to my room for 11:30. And then, he doesn't even know how to talk to people without being a jerk.
Seriously, if you don't train someone how are they suppose to know how to do a void? In his words of explanation, "I'm driving, just keep hitting the void button something should happen". Just to let you know, nothing happened and I was quite screwed. Oh and so the mere fact that I have been working with Human Resources about getting my paychecks, being information isn't correct and him telling me if I didn't get it straightened out that I need to look for another job, just pissed me off more. Seriously? As if I don't want to get paid.
Honestly, I've had it up to here and I can't take much more of the stress he's giving me. As if I don't have so many other things to juggle as well, and the fact that I apparently wasn't registered for one of my classes and now have to get these forms signed to have it re-added to my schedule just blew me off the edge.

It's quite safe to say that my weekend/week was a pretty bad one considering what occurred. But as my boyfriend has quite clearly told me, I just have to keep moving because no one is gonna jump in and help me out. No one is ever that nice.

Another Day Another Matter...

So I should be happy today because my mom just put some money in my account that was much needed. She's also sending out some things for me so I can finally get my paycheck from work. (I haven't gotten like two I assume cause I didn't have all my information together.)

So I should be rejoicing, right? Well I'm not.

I thought maybe I need a pick me upper, so I got dressed, threw on my favorite lipgloss on, the one I only wear when going go, threw on some leggings, which I don't wear often, a simple blue shirt, and earrings that I reserve for going out. Figured that would help lift my spirits, but it didn't. So I proceeded to stuffing my belly. (I mean, that usually works,) but it didn't.

To prove to you just how out of it I am, I washed my dishes, removed my trash from the room (didn't dispose of it outside though, but I will eventually.) made my bed, put away my clothes that I haven't put away in almost a week, and then plopped down on my bed and began to write this post. (Not that I only post new items to my blog when I'm depressed.)

Either way you choose to explain it, I'm just not feeling like myself. I don't know if it has to do with my dream or the way my boyfriend has been acting lately. I couldn't tell you which one it is, but whichever one it is, it has me all screwed up inside and listening to Beyonce's "Broken-hearted Girl" among some other title tracks about possible heartbreak.

Situation #1: The Boyfriend
Lately he hasn't been himself. He blames it on his home situation where him and his mom are at wits end with each other. He also blames it on the physical distance between us (him in ny, me in ct). He just wants me to be around him and with him and to never leave his side. I want to be with him too, but I don't know what I can possibly do to make him feel better. I feel like instead of moving forward, we're taking steps back to where we were at once upon a time. A time where I wasn't as sure of our relationship as I am now, but know my concerns are different. I feel like he's not telling me something, like he's leaving out some crucial detail that can help pull his story together and get me where I need to be to be able to help him through this.

Situation #2: The Dream
This is a strange one, so listen/read carefully so you don't get confused and I'll try not to confuse you as well. Basically, it's about the Facebook revolution that has caused everyone in my family to go out and reunite with each other over the internet. So, we're suppose to go out, my mom and me, but one of these long lost relatives who I don't know all that well (or at all for that matter) comes inside the house and asks me what is taking me so long to get ready. Apparently everyone is going out and I'm holding everyone up because I'm the only one in the house. I tell her that my mother has told me that I'm always hungry and I should grab something to eat to walk with. Magically out appears this woman's son, who is my cousin (don't ask how I made that connection) and who is also gay. But not gay as in he looks it. He is legit gay and he doesn't look remotely gay. Suddenly I'm in my dorm room and the room is changed around a bit, in regards to closets, shelves, and desks, but either way it looks kinda different, but I'm able to recognize it as my dorm. My boyfriend is there and I guess you could say we're all cuddly like normal, expect that my roommate isn't my roommate anymore, it's his ex. For some strange reason though, I don't feel uncomfortable about the situation,  her being there and seeing us like this. So, my boyfriend gets up from where he is on the bed with me and hands her this fish aquarium thing in a semi-bag and plastic bowl. She tosses it on her bed carelessly and he tells her it could break and that he plans on getting her something for some upcoming event of hers (a holiday, birthday, I honestly can't remember). She asks him what and he said that she can't expect him to tell her while his girlfriend (me) is in the room. At the sound of that, I excuse myself from the room, but keep close enough to the corner to try and hear what he tells her, but I don't because he's taking us to the movies, my cousin included. When we get the movie theater, which is the same one we went to in reality with the expect that we went another way to get there, we all get out the car to leave. I keep telling everyone my cousin is gay and now I'm not so sure if he is or if I just want him to be so my boyfriend's ex won't get any ideas. Anyway, so we sneak into the movie theater which apparently has a collection of glass doors that either lead you directly to the place where you have to pay or inside the theater itself. We decide not to pay (hence the sneaking) and go in through the side glass doors. This guy is banging on the door next to ours because apparently he was sitting in the balcony and he didn't have good seats. We figured this would be our excuse to if anyone asked what we are doing. We pass the concession stand and I ask for popcorn and my boyfriend buys some for me and we proceed to wandering around the theater, and then I wake up.

I know the dream is a bit confusing and I'm sorry. I just woke up from that feeling very uncertain about some things. Can you blame me? Or do you blame me for feeling some type of way and not knowing why? Either way, I'm not feeling like myself now and I'm worried and very concerned.

Home For The Weekend

So I'm home for the weekend and I can already tell I'm not going to have time to relax.

For starters, I brought home a big bag of laundry that I know I'm going to have to do myself, I have to help clean this house, have to get my hair done, write a speech, and some other academic stuff, because unfortunately life doesn't end when I go home for the weekend, I still I have a list of things to do. I feel a headache coming on.

So for the first time in a really long time, I was given the opportunity to watch the Disney channel and just let me tell you, I was watching one of their new movies and I just have to say, Disney has really gone down in quality. The movie looked cheap and the actors were pathetic. It looked more like an indie film and even those are better qualities with better actors. I just don't know what to say anymore.

I also just found out that my boyfriend got two new tattoos today. I'm too sure how I feel about that considering I have yet to see them in person, but I guess I can show it to you and you can let me know what you think.



Just thinking about him having it makes me want to see him even more than I already do right now. But, I'm just hoping that things will turn around this weekend and I'll feel more relaxed.

9 Months and Going Strong...

I love my boyfriend.

To be completely honest, a short few months ago I was saying that and not meaning it. I believed that if I said it enough, I'd mean, and that by stating it, I made it a fact, therefore it would have no choice but to become true.

It has only been recently that I've realized just how much I do love him and how much I was just going through the motions before that I was told I should go through, motions I wasn't even feeling. All I can say is, when it's right, you know it's right. There's no explaining it, there's no discussing it, it just is.

We don't have this great love story, for starters. We actually met online, via Facebook. We didn't have mutual friends, or at least none that we knew of. To be completely honest, our friends were mutual friends with each other, not with us. Isn't that funny.

Anyway, we met via Facebook. I was coming to the end of one relationship and my senior year of high school, college was around the corner, and I didn't want to be tied down to anyone. I figured, at the most, this would be a summer fling. It'd be short lived. To my surprise, it followed me to college.

I didn't want a relationship and as much as he asked, I always turned him down or persuaded him into not asking or giving me time, because I needed it. I needed to 'think' which really wasn't thinking, but more trying to figure out how I could squeeze potential boyfriends into my life and figuring out if they'd be good or not for me.

It didn't quite work, because before I could finish saying 'let's take a break,' we were talking again. Soon, he was visiting and you can't simply call a guy who comes all the way out to your college, spends the night in your bed, just a friend. I mean, even my best friends from back home didn't come to visit me as often as he did.

Pretty soon, it just felt like the thing to do. Maybe it was cuffing season getting the best of me, or perhaps the fact that I had exhausted every outlet I imagined to search for a potential boyfriend in and no one seemed to fit, or if they did, they weren't an option. So, I started dating him.

I can't even begin to tell you how much I questioned our relationship. I think I picked fights with him, got mad intentionally with no reason to get mad, just so I could have that space and perhaps still keep my eye out. I guess, soon enough the fighting turned into real fighting and the question of whether or not it was worth holding onto, became a serious matter.

Shortly afterwards, we spent a night together and that was it for me. I realized that I was in love, or I fell in love. Either way, I was in it and didn't want to leave it. So, I guess you can say, all the time we spend together now, just isn't enough for me. Maybe it's because I didn't really care about it before the way I do now.

But to sum it up, I'm in love and I'm happy. My worst fear is him leaving me, not just leaving me but breaking my heart. That's all I really have to say about it.