Now That Thick Is In...

So I should be studying for my Chem final tomorrow, but instead I'm over here marveling how crazy it is that in a matter of a few years, being thick has become a compliment vs. being an insulted.

I've always been on the skinny side with this need to gain weight (for myself, cause I think I'm too skinny and because the weight might make me voluptuous) and now I feel the need to gain weight moreso than ever. I feel as if everyone has an ass now and I'm among the few shaking my back to the music and contorting my body in pictures, to have that hourglass figure.
Don't get me wrong, I have my curves, but not curves like I want. I'm not saying I want to be like Buffy the Body, cause that's just to much for someone as small as me...but I would like to whip out an outfit every once in a while and have people say, 'she's got a body on her'.

Now with the rise of video vixens, Nicki Minaj, and those models on pesky party fliers that every party promoter throws your way as he talks you into coming to his event, as if he'll remember you once you get to the door, I feel as if we have become flooded with the images of these gloriously thick women, who aren't afraid to be thick. And there is most definitely nothing wrong with being thick, especially if your naturally thick.

I'm just surprised at the extent of underground modeling, which features thicker females vs. the magazine spreads of couture that feature more slender females. With the exception of the extremely famous thick vixens, such as Beyonce, gracing the cover of Vogue and Cosmo every once in a while, I'm just trying to figure out why thick isn't being pictured as classy.

Why does the thick girl always have to be wearing some sort of revealing clothing or lingerie??? Is it because if you have the curves, you might as well bare it all vs. if you don't you should cover up???

It's just some food for thought, considering being thick is the new movement and the thicker you are the better. And with this increased level of explicit sex songs taking over the airwaves, and don't tell me it's not explicit when just a few years ago everyone was singing about getting the girl to the bedroom, vs. now what he's doing in the bedroom. I'm just saying, it's getting a little harder to play a relatively new slow jam without feeling all hot and bothered. So, I only want to know if as these more thicker models make themselves known, if they'll ever be fully clothed modeling or will they have to remain half-naked???

Regardless of what happens, I'm still gonna try and get thick. I mean, it's only a matter of time before I'm gaining weight in all the right places.

Yet Again...

Yet again, I return from my hiatus and marvel at how un-busy I was during those past months, weeks, days, that I haven't posted.

So, I'm back, yet again.

So what has happened in life? Absolutely nothing of great importance. I feel as if I've done a whole lot more partying over the course of this year, than I have any other year. I also feel as if I've allowed Twitter to dictate my life. I've been slacking off in school and now that I'm close to the semester being over, I'm worrying like crazy, but doing nothing proactive.
I should be complaining about my life being in shambles, but I have this whole new outlook, if you can call it that. I simply don't care as much anymore. I'm more focused on connecting now with people, so I can have connections when I graduate versus ensuring that I have really good grades, not as if I'm not receiving them currently.
As it stands right now, I'm looking up internships and summer jobs, and trying to get some business cards made up for myself. Why? I have no idea why, but it sounds like something I should do.

Currently however, I have one huge project that I've taken on...taking care of myself. So many people forget about taking care of themselves, and I don't want to be in that number. Now, I'm not saying that I need to hit the gym, do my hair, or keep myself looking good (I would like to think I'm already doing that), but I'm trying to take care of myself in regards to caring more about myself versus people.
This does not mean, I'm about to turn into a self centered bitch...I'm just trying to focus more on myself and my own well being and mental and spiritual state, vs those of others. I've spent my whole life ensuring others were happy and forcing their happiness to be my happiness, not anymore. I'm taking control of my life and my decisions and doing things for me now, because I want to do them, not because someone told me to.

So with that said...I'm off to start this project.

Today is a Work Day

I'm sitting here at work, patiently awaiting for someone to come downstairs and try to buy something.

Good news to all that attend the University of Hartford and hated the fact that the Hungry Hawk (the snack shop downstairs in GSU) didn't accept cash. Now it does!!

I'm also currently sitting here at work, not only questioning the lack of customers but the lack of free time in my schedule today. I'm working an 11-5 shift today and afterwards I have a meeting at 5:30 with my liturgical dance group, afterwards a staff meeting at 7pm and then fashion show practice at 7:30. I assume that I'll barely get to see my room today and furthermore will go without a nap. (Tragic, isn't it?)

So why is this blogging worthy?

Well for starters, because this is my blog and whatever I deem blog worthy is what will essentially be blog worthy. Second, why not start the rebirth of my blog with a bit of randomness about my life. Thirdly, that's all I've got.

So my dilemma is this, with so little time in between so many of these events, I'm going to starve to death. I know I'm very skinny and for the most part I don't eat at regular intervals, but when I'm hungry, I'm hungry and don't expect me to share. Also, being at work for such a devastating long time with absolutely nothing to do is going to drive me up the wall and make me go insane. There is only so much you can do at work with your laptop and phone before you get sick and tired of both and want something else to do.

It's such a shame that none of my friends will visit me during this time, simply because for the most part they're still knocked in their beds and won't begin to move until close to 2pm. Once they awake, they'll be sitting around complaining of hunger and awaiting to go the Commons for dinner, which isn't until 4:30pm. This leaves them with no opportunity to come and visit me. I mean, GSU is a trek from where we live on campus.

What makes it worse is that I don't have hubby to keep me fully entertained. Am the only one that loves talking to their significant other, but then enough is enough and you need someone else to talk to, otherwise you'd kill yourself from hearing him/her repeat their ideals and talk about their life?

What is also currently killing me is the conflicting noises come from a television that I can see and one that I can't. I mean honestly, either we're going to listen to sports or listen to music videos. Unfortunately we can't do both at the same time, it just doesn't work.

But we're on to the next one, which isn't exactly something to discuss, but rather a way to sign off on what is to become perhaps my most hectic day thus far, without truly being hectic.

So much time and no way to waste it all. Smh.

A Fresh Start...

I figured this blog wasn't really going anywhere. I mean honestly, every so often I would mention something outside of my life but for the most part it focused on just that, my day and how I felt.

Blogging is a serious career now.

I'm not saying that from this point forward I'll be blogging strictly with the intent of business, but I would like for people that do read my blog to know what I'm talking about. I don't want them feeling like they've missed out or something or just can't keep up with my life. My life is pretty simple after all.

So what would I talk about? I couldn't even tell you. I get inspired quite easily but it doesn't happen often enough for me to just take time out of my day and blog. I wish it did, but I have to face reality and realize it doesn't.

I've been reading numerous articles online about blogging. Most of them say updating regularly is key, second to topic discussions, and blog design. My current blog design is no other of me all over it. Am I conceited? No, but what other way can I note this blog is a personal blog?

But I think I'm getting off topic. This blog is about me. It's about my thoughts, my opinions, my views, and my take on society and everything else around me. Of course it might show some things that I'm lusting over and it might have a heavy discussion every once in a while, but that's just a part of who I am. I'm mostly random and partially deep. But once again, I'm getting off topic.

So where do I go from now? How about trying to faithfully say true to this blog and then just allowing my mind to wonder and find something of intrigue or interest.

That sounds like a plan to me.

New Year and New Beginnings!!!

At the start of every year, everyone makes resolutions of what they'll accomplish within the upcoming 12 months. Some people go on diets and others go on a self transformation mode. So, what were my new year resolutions?

I didn't have any.

Honestly, I didn't make any promises for myself for this year. Perhaps I should make the promise to be more faithful to this blog like I was in the past. But honestly, I have to say that December was a very hectic month. So much was going on that I honestly didn't have time to blog .

So what have I been up to lately?

Nothing.

Now you know that I haven't been up to much lately and I haven't made any new year resolutions. Honestly, I don't think I need a new beginning. I just think I need a better understanding.
I strongly believe that understanding is what everyone is searching for when they make those promises to create a better them in the upcoming months. Honestly, you can't create a better self than the one you already are. It just doesn't happen. You just have to accept what you are and what your not. That's what I'm doing. I'm accepting what I am and what I'm not. I'm searching for understanding.

Other than that...I don't really have much to say. I promise I'll update more faithfully though. =]

Black Culture

I don't know why, but one minute I'm not doing much but rolling around in bed and the next thing I know I'm thinking about the Black Culture. Maybe it was because of the BSU meeting today where a professor came in and talked about one of the courses he's teaching in the spring about urban communities, making them better, designing them, and improving the area that we live in. Maybe that struck a chord, or maybe it was Gabby's (a.k.a my ex-wife. lol.) talk about professionalism and how we need to be more professional at our meetings inside of shouting over each other. She raised very good points that seem to combat all the reasons people tried to throw at her. But I started thinking to myself...

What happened to our Black Culture?

I kinda wish I could write a paper on this because I'm feeling all sorts of ways over it and it's really eating at me. I read a novel not to long ago that discussed the transition from generation to generation and the changing of the culture. The novel was entitled "Long Distance Life" by Marita Golden. I suggest you read it. But back to my question and my thoughts.

I feel like my generation and perhaps the one before it as well (thinking about the generation my older sister falls into) doesn't really care about our past and how far we've come as group. We never make a point to reference the struggle of those days unless it's during Black History month. The only struggle we ever make reference to is getting out of the ghetto and making money, which compared to the struggle of our grandparents isn't even a struggle. I feel like music and movies that feature, are directed by, and produced by Black people don't show how we're moving forward and continuing to make history. They all show us just accepting where we are at and not trying to go anywhere unless money is guaranteed in the process. Maybe that thought is wrong, but I feel like unless you wave the aspect of getting rich in front of someone in my generation they're not going to take any incentives to make a change.
It scares me when I think about it in perspective to when we get older and I have children. What kind of world would I be bringing them into, where the people of my generation are just settling?
Hip-hop music was designed to show that we had thoughts and opinions. It was a way of us letting the world know that we weren't stupid and unaware of what is going on. Now the music is all about who has the most money and fame, sex, violence, and drug. Occasionally you'll get the song about their struggle growing up, but nothing in their lyrics speaks much towards empowerment or how we should progress to become better than we are right now.
Honestly, I believe if Barack Obama wasn't running for President, many people in my generation wouldn't even care or bothered to register to vote. They've forgotten just how much of an impact they can make simply because they think they don't have to because it was done already for them.

What happened to the Black Culture?

The Black Culture my parents grew up in, where they watched their parents experience racism, actual racism. Not this culture where my generation simply tosses the word around calling people racist because they say something they didn't like. Accusing people of racist tendencies if they are denied something. It's almost as if my generation is using excuses to get what they want and sadly some people are giving it to them for that main reason. No one wants to be called a racist in this time and age, and if you get called one, you'll do everything to have the person who said it to you take it back. That's what my generation is doing. They are forcing people to give them things they often times don't deserve just by calling them racist.
We also don't have respect for each other. You can't have a culture unless you have respect and I feel like my generation has neither. We don't have respect for each other. We are constantly going after each other in one way or another. We are constantly trying to hold each other back from achieving things and labeling those of us that decide to achieve things. No one wants to be called uppity or bourgeois, yet that's the label given to us that want to have a better life and don't want to settle. No wonder some of us have taken on the label and kept it moving with our nose in the air and not a care in the world to what happens to those who gave us the label.
I feel like my generation has lost respect for all that has come before them. It's sad, but in my mind it's also true.

I just want to know what happened to our Black Culture? Is it still around? Twenty years from now, will be ok with the fact that this is our culture?

I mean, I can say if it wasn't for the black culture we have now, our full figured women probably would never be recognized. Other than that, I can't see anything that my generation has done with our culture to make it a better one.

I think we're settling, forgetting, and disrespecting our rich heritage.

A Trip Down Memory Lane...

Today I deleted my Myspace account.


Traumatic? Not the slightest, but it did take down memory lane. I mean, I had to backup all my pictures because prior to my Facebook days of photo sharing, I was using my mother's laptop to store my pictures and upload them. Let's just say some things went bad with the laptop, so I backed up as much files from it as I could. Shortly afterwards, my little sister and my dad got into an argument over laptop usage and let's just say the laptop lost the battle.


My current laptop is still a toddler. It turned one in like July and quite frankly, all my old photos never got restored on it. So today, I decided to do the dirty job of storing the ones I had on my Myspace on my laptop. This is what started my trip down memory lane and kinda made me squeamish at certain areas in thought.


I mean, much of it reminded me of my senior year of high school. All memories of my ex (who I don't harbor resentment or anger at) and the people I thought I was close to and assumed were actually my friends. How quickly things change over the matter of years and a summer.


I mean, my ex and I were pretty close, but things just faded away. Regardless of whether or not the rumors of what he supposedly said had anything to do with it, I don't know. I just know we aren't as close and we don't say much to each other. Ever. Well at least since the whole drama that went down this summer, which pretty much made us lose contact and aided in the creation of an war of sorts.


As for the girl who I thought I was friends with. I just have to shake my head. The argument was truly uncalled for and so were the additional participants that got dragged into it, but at the same time I can't really say anything. I said my piece. I was mature about it. She wanted to call in reinforcement and thought she had it all in the bag, but pretty much it backfired in her face. So, I have nothing left to say about that situation.


But as I was saying...it just brought back all these memories. The good and the bad. The old and the recent.